Every day I pray for my heart to be filled with Love, Compassion for others, my mind to be filled with Wisdom, to know what it is I should be doing and saying. I truly feel so unsure some days of what I am supposed to be doing and how I should be going about it. Many days when I look at my life, in a logical way, it does not look like I am making wise choices when it comes to finances, and planning for the my future. But my heart tells me that what I am doing, and where I am is exactly the best plan for now.
I have been saying these very same prayers for many years now. Life is not easy, sometimes my thoughts start questioning, and I worry about financially being able to keep everything paid on a long-term basis. When I feel this uncertainty, I go to my treadmill to walk or run off my nervousness, and I pray. When I finish my run I am always much calmer, clear minded, and usually have a clear game plan for that day. Right now though, and possibly forever, it truly is one day at a time.
Having a grandchild who faces every new day with this same uncertainty, makes me more aware that everyday is truly something that every one of us should be thankful for. No matter what amount of planning we do for our futures there is no guarantee that all of our planning is going to unfold as we plan it to.
I had an experience this week that has me very unsettled. It involves someone who I was told has emotional problems. This event did not take place in my own home, or within my own family. However years ago I allowed someone I knew, who was diagnosed with mental health problems, move into my home and attempted to help her to improve her situation.
I gave complete trust and respect, only to be taken advantage of in the most horrible and hurtful way possible. She stole photos, from my family photo album. She then took these photos to her work place, and told her coworkers that this was her child. She continued the lie with more lies about how terribly stressed she was because the child had many extremely rare medical problems. She made up a story and condition that she had seen on a talk show, attempting to gain sympathy and use this as an excuse for robbing them of a fairly large amount of money!
This person did have a mental health diagnosis however, she had an average intelligence level and schooling, was able to clearly explain that she understood right from wrong. She was 100% aware that she was wrong when she was lying, taking advantage of people and stealing! My heart was horribly hurt by that persons actions. I had been warned by many people who had experienced her lies and UN-trustworthiness, but I wanted so desperately to believe that every person has some good inside, and was willing to allow her a chance to correct her ways. That particular event has left me forever cautious toward that individual. I wish her well, can communicate kindly with her but will never allow myself to wholeheartedly put my complete trust in her that way again.
The situation that happened to me this week has many similarities, and once again has disappointed my faith in a person. I once again allowed myself to look past red flags, that had been noticed by others, and continued to look for the good within this person. I was not only surprised and disappointed by this person, but also encountered a mild but very angry physical assault from them. The part that is so worrisome to me is that this latest incident also involves 3 small children as well as other innocent family members. In each situation the individual presented themselves as a devout Christian, speaking and giving Christian advice, and saying that they are aware of their mistakes and are changing their ways.
A simple situation where the individual (almost 30 years old) didn’t get their way, and was not receiving sympathetic attention, ended in physical aggression toward me and a hostile prevention of privacy for another family member. My heart breaks for the children of this person, who are being taught, and possibly witness daily these ways.
I know I should never question anyone’s faith or their level of devotion toward changing for the better. I also am aware that we all are imperfect and are all at risk of falling short of our goals. The thing that angers me is knowing that every time this person fails at improving themself an innocent person ends up becoming a victim of their thoughtless disrespect for others.
I struggled today with both sadness and frustration because of that experience. A family member to this person attempted to explain the event by saying they were aware that this person has emotional issues.
Might these incidents simply be a selfish person refusing to show respect for anyone else?
Could it be as simple as an adult throwing a temper tantrum in order to get their own way or attempt to gain sympathetic attention from others?
When a family members shows up and excuses bad behavior by calling it “Emotional Problems” it only adds to the problem, as well as may be putting the people who this individual cares for and lives with in danger!
I worked for many years with individuals who had a variety of different mental health diagnosis’. I received specialized training on how to respond in behavioral crisis situations. I have opened my home to people with mental health problems to provide respite for families. It does not matter how many times I see similar situations replay themselves, it never gets any easier to understand or to deal with.
I am aware that there is a great debate about the need for better support for people with mental health issues, but there is also a great need to recognize when an assault, theft or attempt at physical aggression may not be the result of a mental health condition or diagnosis at all, but perhaps simply an act of selfish aggression and blatant disrespect toward another person.
In hopes of picking up my spirits I was listening to Christian music today.
I have found three songs from Shine Bright Baby that give me a bit of hope…. I hope you will listen to them, enjoy their message and let me know your thoughts on the situation.
With respect, hope, joy and love,
Carmela
Shine bright Baby Dreamers Album
love restored
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Carmela Snelbaker 