Might prevention from ever uttering a negative thought, also prevent a positive solution? ……….
Might prevention from ever uttering a negative thought, also prevent a positive solution? ……….
So many times I hear many people complain about the “children of today” being so self centered and having grand feelings of “entitlement”.
As a caregiver to many adults with disabilities who has had to read so many childhood medical histories that have included tragic childhood abuses……… I feel I need to caution people on casting such a judgmental eye on “today’s youth”! Without having access and details of each individual’s past, one has NO IDEA what another person may have lived through and may be actively recovering from.
The past 7 months have been, a very messy, emotional fueled confusing yet also a beautiful unfolding of stories within a number of peoples lives including my own.
As I write this in the middle of the night I am sitting in a room with a broken door lock. That lock was intentionally broken by another individual who was angry and attempting to gain access to me. I cannot actually recall exact events leading up to the reason why I felt the need to have a locked door between me and that person, but details of that encounter bears no importance to the True basis of this story.
I have spent many years de-escalating out of control individuals when working within the behavioral health field, and even experienced minor injuries intervening to protect other individuals. Even though you have extensive training, and know the steps to take if you find yourself in a hair pull or aggressive attack ……. when the boundary encroachment occurs within a personal relationship the injuries one experiences are of a completely different nature.
Relationship boundary aggression wounds and recovery are very different than the step by step training of how to get out of a hair pull, or physical strongholds that you may encounter while protecting others from a violent outburst. It is possible to walk away and continue on once free from any further threat but never really address the wound or fear left behind. Simply avoiding ever taking a chance at another disaster happening again can be a pretty easy fix. When you have a Love for people and enjoy caring for others you can get great satisfaction from helping others.
In the process of meeting, working with and getting to know a very sweet and beautiful person just 7 months ago, It has made me realize the simple broken “lock disaster” of the relatively recent past years had left some pretty major scars and personal space/relationship issues.
But less about me and more about my beautiful young friend who is making some very positive improvement! She is taking HUGE steps toward her own independence and away from vary harsh boundary encroachments of her past.
Every once in awhile I get a very unhappy and distraught call and spend some time discussing some positive ways of de-stressing or redirecting the frustrations, But the happy calls of excitement and pride of accomplishment are the ones that warm my heart the most and make me smile.
Life is never going to be perfect in anyones life and everyone most likely has had and will continue to have difficult times to overcome.
The beauty is in the fact that once we “weather a storm” and experience a brighter day….It helps us to recognize situations and times of struggle within other peoples lives, even if that person is not fully understanding what is happening to them and are not able to clearly verbalize how they may be in need of help.
Possibly our personal experiences and scars can be a beautiful blessing to another, if we are able to recognize and put words to a situation another person appears to be experiencing however is unable to fully comprehend and verbalize themselves. Because of this I suppose we should be thankful for our scars and the ability to help others thrive.
With Respect, Hope, Joy, and Love, Carmela
When you identify beauty with Love and Joy you cannot help but Also identify Beauty within the opposite of Love and Joy (Fear and Rage).
How can we not when all of human existence will at some time experience the entire array of elements. When the Rage is directed at what is wrong and not at the individual who acts in a way that is provoking the radical reaction, there is a beauty within the advocacy for what is Right and True.
In no way am I encouraging or making excuses for anger or angry aggression I am acknowledging that without being emotionally stirred to stand up against unnecessary control, aggressive boundary encroachments, violence or life altering restrictive acts toward other human beings we will only find ourselves living a selfish existence.
Greed and shallow materialism flourishes within an environment that will only allow “like minded viewpoints”.
When we fail to be open to finding common ground and embracing the need to express and celebrate collective knowledge, experiences, and wisdom, We cannot state that we truly are supporting of Truth and Freedom.
Individual Truth is Freedom. When we seek only power and control for like minded views we are not embracing UNITY AND FREEDOM FOR ALL.
Truth and Honesty are based in Love no matter what “vehicle” of understanding you are approaching it with. True Unconditional Love and understanding embraces the opposing view. When we choose a divided state of being we choose Stagnancy and Lack of Growth and Development.
When we choose stagnancy we are caught within a shallow human power struggle for control and authority.
Those who live in fear may attempt to arm themselves with dishonest words, accusations and threats. Those that have little confidence, faith or understanding may be easily influenced to believe or simply cave to the threats and shame tactics and become compliant to the one who chooses human power and authority over everyone.
True Love embraces unity and understanding. True Unconditional Love shows support for individualism and embraces growth change and peaceful solutions.
Who are we to attempt to feel so boldly aggressive that we would choose to enforce individual opinion and belief onto others when we would NOT stand for that being done in reverse?
Those who cannot be respectful of other people’s beliefs and boundaries, are also not being respectful of what they wish for themselves.
When we act as though our ways and beliefs are MORE RIGHT than any other belief we begin to become only seekers of POWER instead of seekers of TRUTH, UNITY AND PEACE.
IN A WORLD WITH MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND BELIEF SYSTEMS REMAINING RESPECTFUL TO ALL RELIGIONS AND BELIEF SYSTEMS OR INDIVIDUALS WHO SEEK TRUTH AND LOVE IS ESSENTIAL.
THOSE ORGANIZED RELIGIONS OR PEOPLE WHO CHOSE TO BE ENFORCERS OF ONLY THIER WAY OR THEIR LIMITED VERSION OF TRUTH ARE PUTTING THEMSELVES AND THEIR LIMITED HUMAN UNDERSTANDING ABOVE DIVINE WILL.
WHEN WE TRULY SEEK UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR ALL WE ENGAGE WITH AND LEARN AND UNDERSTAND FROM EACH OTHER.
DIVINE MESSAGES OFTEN COME THROUGH HUMAN HEARTS THAT ARE OPEN TO AND LONG TO RECEIVE, UNDERSTANDING AND RELAY DIVINE THOUGHTS
THEY WILL NEVER CLAIM TO HAVE THE ANSWERS.
LIFE IS FLUID AND EVER CHANGING WHAT THE MESSAGE MAY BE ON THIS DAY CAN BE A VERY DIFFERENT MESSAGE ON ANOTHER.
TRUE DIVINE MESSAGES ARE RELAYED BY PEOPLE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED DIVINE STRENGTH, GUIDANCE, AND HOPE IN TIMES WHEN DEVASTATING EVENTS PULL THEM INTO HOPELESSNESS AND CONFUSION
THE TRUE MESSAGE WILL MAKE IT TO YOU WHEN YOU NEED IT .
THE MESSENGER MAY NEVER EVEN BE AWARE THAT THEIR WORDS WERE WHAT YOU NEEDED TO HEAR, BECAUSE THE MOST POWERFUL DIVINE ENCOUNTERS OFTEN COME ANONYMOUSLY THROUGH CHANCE ENCOUNTERS WITH HUMBLY BROKEN INDIVIDUALS WHO SIMPLY MADE IT THROUGH DIFFICULT SITUATIONS, WITH DIVINE SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE
PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW BELOW WITH BLESSING OFFOR’S
TWO OF MY FAVORITE SONGS OF HIS ARE…. BELIEVE AS WELL AS BRIGHTER DAYS I HOPE YOU WILL SEARCH FOR THEM ON YOU TUBE. I AM NOT ABLE TO LINK THEM HERE BUT THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL SONGS WITH POSITIVE MESSAGES.
With Hope, Joy, Peace and Love, Carmela
I must say I have a Fierce Advocate within me that every once in awhile takes over and lashes out in defense of all things wrong. I much prefer the Peaceful, Content, and Joyful feelings any day to the frustrated and angry upheaval!
It is sometimes very hard once a very negative event touches your heart to not get pulled down so heavily with the injustices that the Good begins to be overlooked. I once read that there are 6 events that are written about in the Bible that stirred Jesus to Anger.
For the past 7 months I have met some of the most beautiful people who have touched my heart greatly but also stirred in my heart great emotional ups and downs.
There was a daily post challenge awhile ago asking writers to describe what they liked about themselves. I find that a very difficult thing to do.
I truly believe as we grow in our Faith with each new understanding we begin to realize that who we are and what is our Greatest Quality, is our Faithfulness to the Greater Power. For the True Beauty within us is the Fruit of the Holy Spirit…………
LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS AND SELF- CONTROL.
I will keep Praying, Walking and Responding……….
With Love, Hope, Joy and Peace, Carmela
Sharing your life with others as a caregiver or support staff is a blessing and an amazing opportunity for personal growth as well. I have been doing this type of work my entire life and truly each one of the individuals I have had the privilege of meeting and working with have definately improved my life for the better.
Many times our lifestyles and cultural backgrounds differ in many ways but once you are able to spend time with, share experiences with the person, understand their manner of communication and build trust with them amazing similarities surface and you learn from each other.
Life has often been challenging for many of the people I have taken care of for their entire life, and others unpredictable circumstances have caused major changes in their lives as adults.
I have spent many hours within the community assisting people who use wheelchairs, who use walkers or have vision or hearing difficulties as well as those with autism or intellectual or developmental disabilities.
The community can often be difficult for those with differences to navigate and feel comfortable or confident functioning in.
Even with the many accommodations and upgrades that have now been added there are still are many “road blocks” that have been overlooked in the overall design of things that will often end up being a huge problem for someone who functions differently then the majority of the population.
Many times other individuals in the community are the problem.
Handicap vans need room to drop a ramp to EXIT and ENTER accessible spaces. If someone parks beside the van in the lined off “ramp space” The person in the wheelchair is not able to get into the van when they return. They must find the person and ask them to move or wait until that person finishes their appointment or errand and returns!
As a caregiver I have found some locations where employees have been extremely helpful offering assistance eager to engage in conversation with the person I am supporting and other location that have been very dismissive and seem to be uncomfortable interacting with those with a different level of ability then the majority of the population.
We need to find a way to leave positive feedback for the places that are easily accessed by those with disabilities and even better feedback for those who are welcoming, friendly and enjoy interacting and giving positive customer service to everyone including those with different abilities.
Please if you are a person who has. grown up and had very little exposure to or experience communicating with people with differences please say hello to and treat all people with equal respect and value. No-one wants to be treated differently, dismissed or laughed at for their differences.
I once had someone dismiss my concerns by stating that it was simply a lifestyle difference.
There are no lifestyle differences that cannot be improved upon.
CHOOSE KINDNESS,
CHOOSE RESPECT FOR DIFFERENCES,
CHOOSE TO SEE LIKENESS INSTEAD OF DIFFERENCE,
NEVER LAUGH OR DISMISS SOMEONE FOR THEIR DIFFERENCES
At any moment our lives could change drastically.
What was once easily accessible to us may no longer be accessible. Our ability to freely communicate feelings or needs to others may no longer be possible.
The lifestyle that you once enjoyed could change in an instant.
I pray people one day realize that things that they might find humorous today may not be very funny if they are ever forced to endure what others are enduring on a daily basis.
With Respect, Hope, Joy and Love, Carmela
When I seen the sign “You Are NOT Almost There” it made me laugh, and remember a time many years ago when my daughter and I eagerly embarked on a day hike 6 miles into the Grand Canyon.
Guess What?
6 miles down is a breeze……..
6 miles up at 110 degrees is NOT……. lol
In support and outreach to others………
On our challenging journey out of the Canyon (although we did not make a sign) we were sure to caution every passing hiker on the way into the canyon!
DOWN IS EASY…. but…. UP IS NOT EASY
Life is not always fun and we sometimes make choices or eagerly follow a path that turns out to take us on quite a different journey then we once expected!
Thankfully when you put Faith in a Higher Power you are NOT in this alone.
Sometimes it is more about what you are walking away from than what you are walking to.
Possibly the most important thing we find when walking away from difficult experiences is an amazing inner strength that somehow carrys our body’s through disasters when our minds are numb and our muscles simply roboticly move us forward.
Survival instinct may not always be about an amazing human strength that powers us through difficult challenges but quite possibly better explained as the intuitive Power of Divine Guidance.
I also believe in something my family likes to refer to as Divine Comic Relief. These are times within the saddest or most serious moments we are experiencing when something happens and in within the most serious of times you can’t help but laugh.
We need smiles to get us through the tearful times!
I like to believe those times as well are sent to us from God.
Recently I have been enjoying a lot of time in the woods walking on trails. There is a peacefulness in the atmosphere, the fragrances and songs of the birds keep your mind anchored in the present moment. There is nothing more calming the enjoying then truly experiencing the very moment you are in without distraction.
“We need to find God and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature, trees, flowers, grass, grow in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence. We need silence to be able to touch souls”. Mother Teresa
Many years ago someone recomended a book to me called Grandma Gatewoods Walk. It is a true story about amazingly strong lady who simply read an article in National Geographic magazine about the Appalachian Trail and then just decided to thru hike it…….. she knew her family would advise her against it so she just decided to tell them she was going on a walk…… leaving out the fact that it was a two thousand and fifty mile long walk. LOL
Emma Gatewood was 67 years old when she decided to take this walk!
She eventually did have to be truthful with her family when national publications began following her to publish articles on her solo thru hike.
You can read more about her here Appalachian Trail Histories/Emma Gatewood
I have shared the audio version of this book with elderly individuals I have taken care of. Many of them found it very interesting and recognized some of the local history that was referenced as she was traveling through the local areas of the Appalachian Trail in Pennsylvania. I will share a link here if you are interested in possibly sharing it with others.
I pray all those struggling through difficult paths find Peaceful Moments, Silent times to be with God, and some Heaven sent smiles to keep you moving forward and finding Hope.
With Hope, Joy, Peace and Love, Carmela
God how I wish things just made sense. I wish life events just stop hitting so hard. Sometimes I truly want to stop my life and ask God, “Where do I get the bus that takes me out of here. Please, I have had enough now!”
So to all the people who feel grand inadequacy, lonelyness and confusion……. I am with you! I am willing to bet there are many of us out there.
To all the people who find it hard to put words or comprehensive thoughts to the feelings behind the inadequacy, I understand I struggle with this daily and have for quite some time. Life is fluid, always changing and at times hard to keep up with.
I have found that during each current struggle with prayer, reflection and purging of words onto paper some amount of understanding or clarity begins to show. In some respects there may never be the “right” answer but if we examine the feelings behind the issues we can, at the very least, find some sort of empathy toward the opposing view.
When I was in my thirties I quit my full-time job to be with my mother, who had just found out she would most likely have only 6 more months to live. Although measured time is very treasured and I am forever grateful for every additional moment I was able to spend with her, at the time I was very upset with the doctor for telling my mother her time was so limited. It weighed heavy on her mind and the sadness was devestating.
After my mom had died and life began to get back to normal I met someone in my workplace who I immediately seemed to have a dislike for. This bothered me to a level that I was constantly trying to understand why I felt that way toward them. I eventually realized that it was the fact that they were always full of complaints, stories and frustrations about their mother. As a person who had recently watched her mother go from looking like a healthy 57 year old to looking like she was twice that age before dying just 6 months later this was hard to hear.
When I examined those feeling even deeper I realized that the emotion that was causing this dislike toward that person was one of Jealousy. I was jealous of this person because she had a mother and I disliked her because she was not appreciative of the fact that her mother was alive.
Putting words to feelings eventually helps with healing, although Life is messy and our scars and devastations will always be a part of who we are. Emotional experiences can build the foundation of empathetic characteristics. I know my past experiences help me have Patience and Love for others who are also struggling and acting a bit irrational during the most difficult and unfair events that unfold in life.
Do I wish life would be easier? Absolutely.
Do I wish all the hurt would end? Of course.
Will I always resist deep heart pain and loss like a toddler kicking and screaming no I can’t go there again? Most certainly.
Will I always want to prevent or improve painful moments for others? Yep, because empathetic hearts hurt for other people as well as themselves.
The one thing I know for sure is I totally appreciate my parents and their quirky manner of guiding us through life! As youngsters if we were complaining about another person, instead of a lecture or explanation a simple comment like “Well, I guess one can’t be jealous without showing it.” would be enough said……… Leaving people to figure it out for themselves might be the answer. Along with prayer for an unstoppable longing to figure out what the “next right thing to do is”
With Respect, Hope, Joy and Love, Carmela
If you allow Him to, God will lead you to where you need to be, and open your heart and mind to what you are supposed to hear at the exact time He wants you to Hear it.
I suppose there are many different ways that people receive messages from God and possibly my way is the “care giving way” but I must tell you I wouldn’t want it to be any other way!
Life can get crazy in caregiving. The responsibilities for the safety and well being of another weighs very heavy on me. Caregiving work is like no other, in the fact that, if your scheduled relief does not show up……. you are not going home. I have been in many situations that staffing issues were that bad that I drove 8 people to my home to pick up my high school aged daughter and brought her to work with me, incase the overnight staff did not show, and I needed to also work the overnight. My company was ok with this and my daughter was the most awesome volunteer staff they could have ever asked for! In later years she referred to that situation as her “Wyatt 101” experience. My belief that God plants us where we need to be at the time we need to be there (if we allow him to) is enforced even more by her comment.
My latest “blessing messengers” have once again stole every ounce of my heart with their fun and quirky Conversations, Responses and Wisdom. Every one of them has responded to me with what I needed to hear with perfect timing and execution! It often is quite funny the genuine responses and reactions I hear in my fun filled caregiving days!
“stop talking”
“there will be no more yoga”
“isn’t it funny that you were born in the same year…(insert some random historical fact I was never even aware of)”…
“I Love you, Carmela”
“we’re taking the red car on a boat ride,and then my mom’s gray car on a boat ride….”
“Dave Saville said the chipmunks have to go back to the woods……chipmunks can’t go to school”
“stop that…..there will be no more funny!”.
I have always found that when “non-work” related areas in my life start becoming worrisome or stressful the “work” area ALWAYS stabilizes me, keeps me going and makes me smile!
My life has always been truly blessed by where God sends me. It may never appear to be the most sensible economical option and often times I am running ragged and sensless attemtping to balance 3 different jobs at once and keep my sanity, but in the end it ALWAYS ends up giving me spiritual clarity and genuine heartfelt Peace, Joy and Love for others.
Life can only be as joyful as you choose to make it. Our experiences in life may contain tragic losses and difficult events to endure and often times what feels like sensless encounters, but if the challenges result in stepping back and seeking Wisdom from the pain it will end with lots of Love, Peace and a genuine appreciation for those God has placed in your path to support you when you most needed it!
God offers us choice. God is Love. Our Choice cannot include anything but Pure Love. The only way to understand Pure Love is to (as my special messengers tell me….lol) “STOP TALKING”. Shutting off all the noise of the world, opinions of anyone other then God and Love…. brings us to Pure Love For Others.
Pure Love For Others takes emotional human anger away and Gives You Peace. Actions of LOVE not Anger COME FROM GOD.
Pray for others, do not put judgement on others.
Judgement toward another human being is NOT a choice any human or GROUP should make!
Lifting others in prayer, asking and listening for God’s Wisdom is what will bring PURE LOVE AND PEACE TO THE WORLD.
Pray for others. Pray for Pure Love and Peace for All.
With Respect, Hope, Joy and Love, Carmela
I appologize in advance because nothing I write here will probably make complete sense to anyone other then me. I cannot share details about others I take care of or that are involved in my life.
However, events, encounters and the questions that often get left behind, after traumatic events and the struggle to make sense out of so much hurt is not an uncommon dilemma.
I hope by sharing the hurts and questions that weigh so heavy on my heart it might make sense to someone struggling with the same questions.
There are way to many painful experiences that people go through that leave us devastated and searching for a path out of such deep hurt.
The things we have in common with others are not always apparent when we first meet someone.
The scars one has on their heart is not a visable trait for a passerby to see.
Time passes, we somehow find a way to move forward along with the rest of world but the hurts that hit the heart the hardest never really go away.
It is possible for people who appear to have amazing resiliency from past traumatic events to be truly living their lives as if they have been “cast in a roll in a play”. Survival is necessary because others depend on us.
Hearts scarred from life tragedies can identify with others “surviving” with scarred hearts, there is a heightened awarness and recognition of deep hurts in others.
Is the road less traveled the tragically broken heart that keeps walking even when your body simply wants to stop breathing?
Is the road less traveled the road where those with broken hearts attempt to seek out other “play actors” walking forward with hidden traumatic pain in an attempt to be the positive influence and offer the very support and love they desperatly need themselves?
Is the road less traveled the road that keeps an open heart and empathy toward all people in pain even those showing unsettled rage and aggression because of devestation and pain?
What if all of the hate in the world is emotionally misdirected hurt and rage?
What if the road less traveled is the road of silencing human feelings, the emotional pain and praying for the message of God to take over?
As I type this I sit here crying, the only words coming to mind are….. “now wait, now….. you just have to be smarter then the chair you are working on” ………… recalculating …… return to route
Please leave your thought below……… open a discussion with others….. share you thoughts, fears, hopes with others……
Nothing can ever be resolved without putting words to feelings, sharing experiences and most importantly being sensitive and empathetic to other situations
With Respect, Hope, Joy and Love, Carmela