A while back I was standing in a store working on a display when a shopper standing next to me looked over at me and made the statement “Some people should not have kids”. I was deep in thought and had not heard the distant commotion. I looked over at the lady to ask what she meant.
She proceeded to tell me she followed a mom and young daughter into the store and the mom was yelling berating the daughter very nastily. She stated that apparently the daughter had lost something in the store and they were returning to look for it and the mom was very mad.
I then started hearing very loud shouting and a very angry and unkind tongue lashing of a child in a neighboring department. My immediate question to the woman was “Isn’t anyone helping her?” I then took off to the department they were in and came across a man leaning on his cart watching a mother yell at her kid! He then sees me coming and feels the need to comment to me ” There are people in this world that should not have kids!” I looked directly at him and again said “Should we be helping her?”
I approached the lady and very kindly and calmly said to her “Calm down I am going to help you find it. What did you loose?” I asked the little girl several questions and began helping them look. The mother was still frantic and angry …….plus appeared a little bit annoyed that I am now making a valiant effort to deescalate the madness and help them find it. (Had I not had many behavioral plan trainings….. on how to get out of a hair pull,….. dodge punches and redirect anger, I may not have responded as eagerly and confidently to help). In the end, one of my questions sparked a memory and mom rushed down an isle away from me, daughter running after and me running after both of them to keep up….. not letting anyone out of my site! Mom makes a sudden stop and snatches up the $60 baby she feared her daughter had lost forever turned around and handed it to the child then turned to rush out the door……….
I am not writing this to cast judgment on anyones behaviors or actions. I know that there is not a human on earth that hasn’t experienced a panicked meltdown at some time or times in their life and later wished they could have responded more calmly.
In the past I have followed Behavioral plans and seen proper responses communicated to people with highly escalated emotions end quickly in a positive manner.
I have also seen situations end in physical aggression and property damage simply because proper responses failed to be followed calmly…. and instead deliberate agitation by someone spurred the individual to even higher levels of anger.
A number of years ago I had a coworker who came to America with her immediate family seeking asylum from another country. Her husband had spoken out against injustice against specific groups of people within their country. Because he spoke out in defense of others and against governmental actions he and his families lives were being threatened and they sought out political asylum. I sat with her as she watched the hostile fighting and takeover attempts of their government on CNN. Her parents and extended family were not able to flee, she would make scheduled calls to communicate with her loved ones at specific times so that her family could travel to an area that had access to a phone so they would be able to talk.
She and her husband were both very hard workers who maintained jobs to support their families here in America. They were the kindest hard working and appreciative people I ever worked with! They were not criminals, they did not commit any offenses within their home country other then speaking up against government brutality and dictatorship……… because the government they lived in censored media and suppressed speech their lives were threatened. Truly I feel so fortunate to have met them, talked with and listened to their stories. Our lives can be changed for the better when we welcome and engage in conversation with people who have lived very different lives than our own. We learn from listening and sharing human experiences.
As I am writing this though, I truly have great anxiety and a bit of fear.
I want to take great care with the words that I use and honestly point out that I am sharing personal experiences that I have lived through in order to attempt to share one person’s fears and disappointments in our current governmental situation. This is not a post taking sides in the division of the United States. This is simply a post attempting to speak up for kind and respectful leadership of our democracy.
I know it can be difficult understanding what it is like and showing empathy for the way another person has lived and grown up. We can only learn by sharing truthful stories about situations we have personally experienced.
My heart truly hurts today. I am feeling like our country is speeding backwards at a high rate of speed. Going backwards is never a good thing.
I know life is never going to be perfect and I also know that the truth is not always going to be exactly the same for everyone.
In highly emotional confrontations the very same situation might feel and may be explained and sometimes manipulated with drastically different details due to hierarchy of power, control, as well as hidden or unseen threats.
As citizens, if we tolerate inappropriate, threatening behavior from leaders and divide and take sides…….. we ALL are opening a door that will leave a country very vulnerable to chaos and major disaster.
I truly miss conversations with my dad about politics. My dad had a great respect for democracy I remember as an adult in times of national concern my dad reassuring me “they will get it figured out”. He believed in both parties being able to diplomatically and respectfully come together and accomplish positive conflict resolution.
The following is the part of the past that I lived through that I find very scary for me to write because this truly scared me at the time and still does.
More than 50 years ago when I was outside of my house in the yard, I heard voices and commotion down the road from my house. When I looked to see what was going on there was a group of adults totally dressed in robe type outfits with hooded head coverings. Many in white and one in red. They were shouting and directing traffic several miles down another road at the intersection. I can remember being very afraid! I ran inside the house to explain to my parents what was happening. I was very young at the time and although I remember the news reports showing rioting and I knew it caused feelings of concern, fear, divided conflict and worry in the country….. I was not fully aware of what the people dressed up did or why they chose to hide their faces and join in rallies. I did instinctively know however that it was something to fear if you needed to hide your identity and dress like a ghost! My fear was great and I truly to this day suffer anxiety over divided unrest, actions and accusation of dishonesty secrecy and harmful intent toward other people or animals.
Who are we to stand by and watch childish belittlement and humiliation targeted at fellow Americans and do nothing? We collectively should be demanding our leaders display better ways of communication, discussing, understanding and supporting ALL Americans. Mockery of fellow Americans and secret clubs and signs to groups who engage in limited acceptance of others should not be acceptable.
I know there are many people who most likely are not aware of some of things I have witnessed that has happened in America within my lifetime. That is why I feel such an urgent need to explain. I pray people will read and attempt to understand why it is so important to not travel backwards and accept what once was tolerated.
As little as 45 years ago if a person who was intellectually disabled and was living in an institution (because it was not widely seen acceptable for their inclusion in society) acted out behaviorally by biting or scratching they might have had all of their fingernails and teeth removed as a solution! The state I live in eventually was successful in closing a facility down because of many abuses similar to this on fellow Americans with disabilities. I worked with a number of people who once lived within these facilities. I read medical histories and went through many trainings mandating and developing positive approaches to moving forward from this type of abuse!
I also remember in my childhood being very young and participating in DUCK and COVER drills to prepare for possible nuclear attacks while in public school.
Political diplomacy should not feel like an “aggressive sporting event” with childlike taunting and name calling being hurled back and forth at opposing sides……….. OR a “comedy show” where our leaders’ main tactic for getting people to side with them and their “plan for America” is to make endless attempts to “gain laughs by belittling, name calling and berating fellow Americans” with a differing viewpoint and then following the “tear down of others” up with an embellishment of their own “flawless abilities” and greatness. When parties participate in this and clap back and forth at each it only ends in non effective management of time, stalemate and high anxiety for all Americans.
I truly fear if we as fellow Americans continue tolerating and “Joining in with” laughing at, admiring and supporting this type of emotional manipulation by our political leaders it will only lead to disastrous, hopeless, and endless division and aggression.
Please speak up for and encourage respectful diplomacy, elimination of personal threats, humiliations and violence.
With Respect, Hope, and Love, Carmela
Carmela Snelbaker 