PTSD | Carmela Snelbaker

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Imagine the beauty of a group of people working, living and interacting side by side totally absent of negative competition, supportive of each other and allowing each other to flourish in a peaceful environment. As beautiful as the thought of individuals blooming and flourishing next to one another in total Peace is, what would it take to actually make this happen?

If you ask one hundred people to explain beautiful you may get one hundred diverse answers. This has also been proven true when asking a group of individuals who witness an event to explain details of the incident. How can it be that two individual that experience a moment in time when asked to describe the moment in detail relay it as two completely different situations?

I am not sure there is one correct answer for this. Have you ever experienced a moment in time when you caught a scent in the air that triggered a memory?

In a moment in time the smell of a familiar fragrance can transport you back to a memory that you experienced in the past. Whether the memory is a fond memory or an unpleasant one “the memory” is written within your previous consciousness in a way that only you would be able to explain.

What may fill one person with good feeling may fill the person standing next to them with bad feelings. What may make one person flourish, may hinder the next person.

I want to believe though that Peace is attainable among human beings apart from total uniformity of thoughts, opinions and perceptions.

In diversity there is also beauty. The quote below helps to envision a thread of hope for changing ones past experiences for the better.

The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering. ~Ben Okri~

I often laugh when I have a moment of forgetfulness. I joke that “every time something new enters my brain, something old must fall out.” In the case of traumatic memories or patterns of negative behaviors, it would be a blessing if we were able to easily make this happen.

I believe the true beginning of healing can not begin until we stop trying to live in survival mode….. believing that we are the only one that knows what we have to do to keep going. As long as we are in “survival mode” we are relying on our own learned behaviors that have been imprinted from our past situations. In doing this we are trapped in a vicious circle of our own demise.

When fear traps us into thinking that we are the only one that we can trust our journey is life will be very limited and lonely.

It is not until we honestly examine our hearts, our life situations and attempt to truly understand how our own actions play a role in every situation we encounter, only then will we be able to play a significant part in our own recovery and journey to experience true Joy and Peace.

We cannot do this on our own. As much as we want to believe that we are the only ones that can know what we need to do, we can not be more confused and wrong. Our view of events is distorted and we are reacting in a defensive manner.

Pray for your heart to be open to the true picture and pray for understanding and help feeling and accepting the Love and Wisdom of God. When you realize you do not have to be perfect to be Loved, that the person you are is the exact person who God made and He loves you exactly as you are, this is when you can except help from others, things will begin to change for the better and you will flourish.

If we feel insecure from within it is impossible to see and appreciate beauty.

When we know and experience unconditional Love from God it is impossible to not share this same Love with others.

I once heard someone say “a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it, it only blooms.”

Pray for a world where people can live side by side and bloom and flourish in selfless Beauty and Peace as the flowers do.

With Respect, Hope, Joy and Love, Carmela

This post was written in response to the daily post: pensive

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Every person’s life has a story line of events that have brought them to where they are today. For reasons I cannot explain the manner in which people move forward from adversity and if they move forward varies tremendously.

I remember meeting the kindest elderly lady. Her husband had passed away and her only daughter had been murdered many years before. She was living alone with no relatives living to assist in her care.

Her and her husband had lived through traumatic years that involved a search for their missing adult child and court trials with horrific details of the event.

As she began telling me some history from her past, she entered another room and returned carrying a photo of her daughters wedding. Holding this one treasured photo in her hand, she shared with me the memory of her beautiful daughter as well as the photo of the person who murdered her. It was her daughters wedding photo and she had been murdered by her husband.

While listening to her explanation of the years of pain she and her husband lived through, and her much repeated statement, “I had a good husband, he took such good care of me” my heart was breaking over the thought of living with and through such pain. She explained that her faith in God was the only thing that helped her through the terrible experience.

She had such a gentle personality and was definitely one of the sweetest people I ever took care of. I loved my visits with her. She sometimes would very sweetly express frustration with the many decisions and changes being made for her safety. “They came in today and locked my basement door so I cannot go down to do my own laundry, and they turned the electric off to the stove and brought me a microwave, I would rather use my stove.” she said.

With almost every complaint she would end it with “I had a good husband, he took very good care of me.”

“He still is!” I told her. “He is the one sending all these people to your door, so you don’t get hurt.” “He is watching from heaven thinking, I better have them lock the basement door so Mary doesn’t fall and hurt herself!” She laughed sweetly at the thought and then said “You’re right”!

She amazed me with her strength and ability to move past such a traumatic event with such grace and peace. In hearing the horrific details of the murder, it was hard for me to imagine being able to get past the rage and trauma that must have consumed them both! She very peacefully explained it as Gods Grace. My faith in God is what helped me through.

Although her family had passed away, she had many friends who visited regularly and she had volunteered many hours of service within her community helping others. She still remained actively a part of a prayer chain and reached beyond her own situation to help others.

This person amazed me with her ability to move forward in spite of her difficult experiences. She was at peace and free from any bitterness, always appreciative and grateful and kindly showed concern for everyone she met! I am so thankful I had the chance to get to know her and learn from her wisdom!

When you quiet the noise of the world and focus on listening to other people and their experiences Heavenly Wisdom unfolds before you, and your path in life starts revealing itself and making sense. Every experience and encounter in our lives is significant! Every person we meet no matter how many words may be exchanged, or how short of time we spend with them, has an impact on and in our lives. It may be many years later till you realize that the pieces of Wisdom you received at that moment in time is what is giving you clarity and Wisdom for today.

I met a number of people who would tell me repeatedly about negative events in their past. Almost as though they allowed the negative events to define who they were. Being stuck in the negative event gave them something to talk about, and telling someone of a time when they were a victim would gain them sympathy and make them feel cared about.

Whether the stories were true or made up would not matter, what they needed was someone to care. Unlike the elderly lady they had very few friends and instead of reaching out to people they closed themselves off from people. Instead of sharing feelings and having a discussion they totally shut down any incoming information by leaving or by not allowing the other person to talk. They retaliated with very unkind accusations, belittling and demeaning words. They resort to attempting to gain control over others with passive aggression. When they later retell the event the story will be very one sided and they will be portrayed as a total victim of the other person.

Could this possibly be explained as a survival technique that is taught or learned as a result of living in fear. If each of us would have the ability to go back in time and be exposed to a completely different set of circumstances during our formative years would our lives be different? By saying this I am in no way placing any blame on any one adult individual in a child’s life, we shouldn’t truly evaluate a situation without considering the entire influencing factors and life circumstances.

One of the most important things we can teach a child is that he is Loved and to use words to communicate feelings. A toddler who doesn’t speak will simply take a toy from another child. If they have no way to communicate they may hit or bite to get the point across that they are not happy. Peaceful solutions need to be taught. Communication of feeling needs to be encouraged. Abusive words and intimidation tactics are equally as bad as physical abuse and can leave scars internally that can be harder to heal than a broken bone.

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Memories can be twofold they can be awesome and they can also be traumatic. Make sure as a parent we are building a future full of fun and happy memories for our children to be able to draw from in their future lives as adults. But most importantly teach them they are Loved, and how to Live in Love and not fear or hate.

It is impossible to live through life without having any bad experiences, painful, traumatic or fearful encounters. An important part of healing after adversity is being able to reach out to others, communicate your feelings, and draw upon the positive events and memories from our past.

As parents we hold many treasured moments in our minds when our children or grandchildren say things or do things that make us smile. Sharing these moments with others and passing the stories on to our children helps us to compose an encyclopedia of our life’s moments. Freezing them in time for future reference. It is a tangible reminder that we were loved and appreciated.

Teach your children to pray. A simple prayer request to “take the scary stuff away” gave Wyatt great comfort, and our family saftey ring of peace serves as a visible reminder to reach out in prayer to receive the Peace of the Lord that surpasses all understanding.

Please pray for those in need of support. Never underestimate the power of Divine Love and Guidance. Share life experiences and Wisdom with others and encourage others to seek understanding and guidance beyond the natural human boundaries. When you make the choice to welcome higher consciousness into your life you will experience extraordinary beauty and vision among simple moments of common existence. Negatives will turn into positives and you will find the most truest levels of Peace and Joy.

With Respect, Hope, Joy and Love, Carmela

We may not always see eye to eye but we can walk hand in hand and promote peace

Carmela Snelbaker

Tag: PTSD

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