Carmela Snelbaker

Author of "Thank You For Your Service, Sheep!"
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  • Tag: Mental health

    • Pensive Beauty and Recovery

      Posted at 9:44 AM by carmelasnelbaker
      May 19th

      shutterstock_100149452

      Imagine the beauty of a group of people working, living and interacting side by side totally absent of negative competition, supportive of each other and allowing each other to flourish in a peaceful environment. As beautiful as the thought of individuals blooming and flourishing next to one another in total Peace is, what would it take to actually make this happen?

      If you ask one hundred people to explain beautiful you may get one hundred diverse answers. This has also been proven true when asking a group of individuals who witness an event to explain details of the incident. How can it be that two individual that experience a moment in time when asked to describe the moment in detail relay it as two completely different situations?

      I am not sure there is one correct answer for this. Have you ever experienced a moment in time when you caught a scent in the air that triggered a memory?

      In a moment in time the smell of a familiar fragrance can transport you back to a memory that you experienced in the past. Whether the memory is a fond memory or an unpleasant one “the memory” is written within your previous consciousness in a way that only you would be able to explain.

      What may fill one person with good feeling may fill the person standing next to them with bad feelings. What may make one person flourish, may hinder the next person.

      I want to believe though that Peace is attainable among human beings apart from total uniformity of thoughts, opinions and perceptions.

      In diversity there is also beauty. The quote below helps to envision a thread of hope for changing ones past experiences for the better.

      The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering. ~Ben Okri~

      I often laugh when I have a moment of forgetfulness. I joke that “every time something new enters my brain, something old must fall out.” In the case of traumatic memories or patterns of negative behaviors, it would be a blessing if we were able to easily make this happen.

      I believe the true beginning of healing can not begin until we stop trying to live in survival mode….. believing that we are the only one that knows what we have to do to keep going. As long as we are in “survival mode” we are relying on our own learned behaviors that have been imprinted from our past situations. In doing this we are trapped in a vicious circle of our own demise.

      When fear traps us into thinking that we are the only one that we can trust our journey is life will be very limited and lonely.

      It is not until we honestly examine our hearts, our life situations and attempt to truly understand how our own actions play a role in every situation we encounter, only then will we be able to play a significant part in our own recovery and journey to experience true Joy and Peace.

      We cannot do this on our own. As much as we want to believe that we are the only ones that can know what we need to do, we can not be more confused and wrong. Our view of events is distorted and we are reacting in a defensive manner.

      Pray for your heart to be open to the true picture and pray for understanding and help feeling and accepting the Love and Wisdom of God. When you realize you do not have to be perfect to be Loved, that the person you are is the exact person who God made and He loves you exactly as you are, this is when you can except help from others, things will begin to change for the better and you will flourish.

      If we feel insecure from within it is impossible to see and appreciate beauty.

      When we know and experience unconditional Love from God it is impossible to not share this same Love with others.

      I once heard someone say “a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it, it only blooms.”

       meadow-76358_1280

      Pray for a world where people can live side by side and bloom and flourish in selfless Beauty and Peace as the flowers do.

      With Respect, Hope, Joy and Love,  Carmela

      This post was written in response to the daily post: pensive

       

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      Posted in Meditative Writings | Tagged beauty, Carmela Snelbaker, daily post challenge, daily prompt, diversity, Fear, flourish, gratitude, hope, inspiration, joy, kindness, love, Memories, Mental health, peace, Prayer, PTSD, resiliance, respect, survival, Unconditional love
    • How many times do YOU say no?

      Posted at 3:31 PM by carmelasnelbaker
      Aug 8th

      Don't Say That jar, collecting coins for bad words

      I love when I read a post and it brings up a past experience that relates to the situation but in a very different way. I recently read a very good blog post by candidkay about clearing out the negative in our lives and making room for more positive influences. The link to her post is here. Please be sure to read it, I am sure you will be glad you did!

      I am always both so amazed and fascinated at how alike and yet totally different our lives can be.  No two people are ever exactly alike. Just like Dr. Seuss says, “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.

      I must tell you of an individual who I am very grateful to have met. I will refer to him here as Phillip. When I first met Phillip I was told  “You must never use the word no when you talk to Phillip”. Phillip had a lot of energy. He was about 6 foot tall. When happy he would sing, clap his hands, cheer and had a beautiful smile and laugh. When he was angry he was very strong. When agitated he would put his pointer finger out as a child does to resemble a gun, and begin shooting pshhhhh, pshhhhh, pshhhhh. If not calmed down fairly quickly and redirected from the cause of his anger, it could escalate into physical attacks on others as well as major property damage. He had a diagnosis of explosive disorder. Minor agitations could quickly grow into a major outburst without proper intervention.

      Some memories of my first week with Phillip went a bit like this. Phillip talked in broken sentences. “Orange Juice?” he asked.  “sure” I walk to the refrigerator to get him some.  I very calmly realize we are out of orange juice and in a happy light hearted way I reply “Oh no, we are out of orange juice. How about some grape?”  I don’t think I even realized that the word “no” flowed out of my mouth. “Why you  pshhhh, pshhhh, pshhhhh,  Thank heavens a veteran staff was training me. I look over at them questioningly “whats wrong?” I asked. “You said no” she said as she very calmly cracks a smile. So what do I do but respond all nervously “oh no, now what do we do?”  I knew this would be a bit of a challenge but good Lord it had only been one minute and I had him upset and already used the word no twice! Being trained to work at this home was both extremely funny and stressful at the same time!

      Believe it or not, this very quickly became one of my favorite places to work.  Although it is not easy getting used to seeing someone rushing toward a housemate to grab them and 90% of the “usual” statements used to respond to a situation like this were off limits. I learned to adapt very quickly with  positive reinforcements and redirection.  The “game plan” was when he is agitated simply offer him a choice to do something that he enjoys doing, like saying the word Ghostbusters (one of his favorite movies) and then getting it and putting it on for him to watch.

      I worked with him for a number of years and very quickly learned what things made him happy, calmed him and redirected his mood. One of my most successful calming plans for Phillip was singing He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands. Running in between two angry individuals grabbing the “attackers” hands looking directly into his eyes and breaking into a song became my #1 go to plan for keeping Peace. 🙂 Phillip loved going to church and he loved when you put his name into a verse….” He’s got  ______ _________, in his hands”.  It was a perfect example of the Lords peace in action.

      He is such a shining example of how positive energy can fill our lives with hope and peace. As candidkay put it we are all responsible for the energy we bring.  Are you the screaming meanie in your family, berating those around you for not serving your every need? Own it. Start where you are. Make it better. Also take care not to let others suck you into a their negative vortex.

      Although Phillip’s thought process was very childlike I truly believe he understood there is no room for negative energy in our lives. We need to weed out the negative! Like bad weeds in a garden, negative people and thoughts prevent a person from growing, blossoming and being productive.

      We should all take a lesson from Phillip, get creative, be more positive, say no less and look to Jesus to bring you peace 🙂

      Luke 24:36 While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them “Peace be with you”

       

      With respect, hope, joy and love,   Carmela

       

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      Posted in Meditative Writings | Tagged B4Peace, Carmela Snelbaker, Christianity, family, God, Healing, hope, inspiration, Jesus, kindness, love, Mental health, negative energy, peace, positive energy
    • Attempts At Success

      Posted at 3:43 PM by carmelasnelbaker
      Aug 25th

      success_beach

      This post has been written in response to the Daily Post Challenge: Success

      Ultimately the one thing that I wish to accomplish with my words, whether it is through the blog or from within a children’s book, is to use words to teach a child and parents how to treasure life and live with gratitude.

      No matter how sad, poor, or unhappy a day may seem there is always something within that day to be grateful for. It is never easy to look past our own hurts and needs but if you make it a point to do this you will always find that there is someone out there, and often times many people out there, who are suffering more greatly than you.

      The greatest thing my heart longs for is to teach children to live positively, be thankful, kind, compassionate to others, forgiving when they are treated with less than these, and most importantly to be confident in who they are as a person. “Only you are you” It is OK to be unique:)

      Although I may never know if I am successful, I pray that my efforts will touch others in a positive way.

      With respect, hope, joy and love,  Carmela

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      Posted in About the Author, Meditative Writings | Tagged carmela, Carmela Snelbaker, children, children's literature, compassion, Education, good, hope, human goodness, inspiration, joy, love, Mental health, positive, positivity, success, successful, Teacher, Unconditional love
    • Send This Grandmother Back To Sunday School!

      Posted at 4:23 PM by carmelasnelbaker
      Aug 23rd

      Unconditional Love… The World Needs More Of This!

      This post is being made in response to the daily prompt http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/23/daily-prompt-fake/

      The other day I wrote a post about situations that I have been in because of my line of work where lies are a common event in each day. They sometimes are small and seem to be pretty insignificant, and other times grand beyond imagination!

      Many times the person may have a diagnosable condition related to mental health. I am not totally clear on what the complete professional explanation in each case is, so I am not claiming to speak about, or give advice on whether or not a lie is an “expectation” or “excuse”  of a mental health diagnosis. I can tell you though, working for many years within the mental health environment, it is a very common experience.

      My experience is limited to the adult community. Sadly some of the incidents that I have witnessed appear to be, as simple as, someone feeling that they are inadequate and the response to that feeling is to portray themselves as adequate by telling a lie.

      What makes a person not comfortable with who they are?

      What is perfection in humanity?  Where does it start?  Is it truly attainable?

      Could my 7 year old granddaughter have answered all of these questions?

      When I was chatting with my 7 year old granddaughter one day as we were discussing the fact that she only likes peanut butter on a sandwich and no jelly. I commented that this surprised me “I thought all children liked jelly!”  Her reply was very simple and matter of fact.  She commented, very confidently and without question or concern about this difference, “That’s just how God made me.”

      That says a lot!  Doesn’t it?

      I hope she continues to grow up confident in who she is, and never allows a simple comparison to others make her feel different or less than others!

      I also believe as adults we truly need to make sure we encourage individuality and differences instead of pointing them out as a difference!

      What is that popular game show now…. Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

      I truly think this grandmother failed at the game…. Are you smarter than a seven year old! 🙂   Send this grandmother back to Sunday School!

      My granddaughters’ store raising money for a cure for Mitochondrial Disease.

      https://www.etsy.com/shop/help4brothernothers?ref=shop_sugg

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      Posted in About the Author, Family Stories, Meditative Writings | Tagged adult, children, Curch, God, inspiration, lesson in life, lies, love, Mental health, mental illness, Sunday School, Unconditional love
    • Mental Health Diagnosis to Blame or Might Some Incidents Be Simply Blatant Disrespect For Others?

      Posted at 5:00 AM by carmelasnelbaker
      Aug 22nd

      Every day I pray for my heart to be filled with Love, Compassion for others, my mind to be filled with Wisdom, to know what it is I should be doing and saying. I truly feel so unsure some days of what I am supposed to be doing and how I should be going about it. Many days when I look at my life, in a logical way, it does not look like I am making wise choices when it comes to finances, and planning for the my future. But my heart tells me that what I am doing, and where I am is exactly the best plan for now.

      I have been saying these very same prayers for many years now. Life is not easy, sometimes my thoughts start questioning, and I worry about financially being able to keep everything paid on a long-term basis. When I feel this uncertainty, I go to my treadmill to walk or run off my nervousness, and I pray. When I finish my run I am always much calmer, clear minded, and usually have a clear game plan for that day. Right now though, and possibly forever, it truly is one day at a time.

      Having a grandchild who faces every new day with this same uncertainty, makes me more aware that everyday is truly something that every one of us should be thankful for. No matter what amount of planning we do for our futures there is no guarantee that all of our planning is going to unfold as we plan it to.

      I had an experience this week that has me very unsettled.  It involves someone who I was told has emotional problems.  This event did not take place in my own home, or within my own family. However years ago I allowed someone I knew, who was diagnosed with mental health problems, move into my home and attempted to help her to improve her situation.

      I gave complete trust and respect, only to be taken advantage of in the most horrible and hurtful way possible. She stole photos, from my family photo album. She then took these photos to her work place, and told her coworkers that this was her child. She continued the lie with more lies about how terribly stressed she was because the child had many extremely rare medical problems. She made up a story and condition that she had seen on a talk show, attempting to gain sympathy and use this as an excuse for robbing them of a fairly large amount of money!

      This person did have a mental health diagnosis however, she had an average intelligence level and schooling, was able to clearly explain that she understood right from wrong. She was 100% aware that she was wrong when she was lying, taking advantage of people and stealing! My heart was horribly hurt by that persons actions. I had been warned by many people who had experienced her lies and UN-trustworthiness, but I wanted so desperately to believe that every person has some good inside, and was willing to allow her a chance to correct her ways. That particular event has left me forever cautious toward that individual. I wish her well, can communicate kindly with her but will never allow myself to wholeheartedly put my complete trust in her that way again.

      The situation that happened to me this week has many similarities, and once again has disappointed my faith in a person. I once again allowed myself to look past red flags, that had been noticed by others, and continued to look for the good within this person. I was not only surprised and disappointed by this person, but also encountered a mild but very angry physical assault from them.  The part that is so worrisome to me is that this latest incident also involves 3 small children as well as other innocent family members. In each situation the individual presented themselves as a devout Christian, speaking and giving Christian advice, and saying that they are aware of their mistakes and are changing their ways.

      A simple situation where the individual (almost 30 years old) didn’t get their way, and was not receiving sympathetic attention, ended in physical aggression toward me and a hostile prevention of privacy for another family member.  My heart breaks for the children of this person, who are being taught, and possibly witness daily these ways.

      I know I should never question anyone’s faith or their level of devotion toward changing for the better. I also am aware that we all are imperfect and are all at risk of falling short of our goals. The thing that angers me is knowing that every time this person fails at improving themself an innocent person ends up becoming a victim of their thoughtless disrespect for others.

      I struggled today with both sadness and frustration because of that experience. A family member to this person attempted to explain the event by saying they were aware that this person has emotional issues.

      Might these incidents simply be a selfish person refusing to show respect for anyone else?

      Could it be as simple as an adult throwing a temper tantrum in order to get their own way or attempt to gain sympathetic attention from others?

      When a family members shows up and excuses bad behavior by calling it “Emotional Problems” it only adds to the problem, as well as may be putting the people who this individual cares for and lives with in danger!

      I worked for many years with individuals who had a variety of different mental health diagnosis’. I received specialized training on how to respond in behavioral crisis situations. I have opened my home to people with mental health problems to provide respite for families. It does not matter how many times I see similar situations replay themselves, it never gets any easier to understand or to deal with.

      I am aware that there is a great debate about the need for better support for people with mental health issues, but there is also a great need to recognize when an assault, theft or attempt at physical aggression may not be the result of a mental health condition or diagnosis at all, but perhaps simply an act of selfish aggression and blatant disrespect toward another person.

      In hopes of picking up my spirits I was listening to Christian music today.

      I have found three songs from Shine Bright Baby that give me a bit of hope…. I hope you will listen to them, enjoy their message and let me know your thoughts on the situation.

      With respect, hope, joy and love,

      Carmela

      Shine bright Baby Dreamers Album

      love restored

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      Posted in Meditative Writings | Tagged bully, disrespect, Health, inspiration, kindness, love, Mental disorder, Mental health, music, never to far, respect, sadness, shine bright baby, wisdom
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